8. The Best Way to Lead Others is to Learn to Lead Yourself

A reading of a blog post published here on August 4th, 2020.

Leaders get the teams they deserve. Our teams are reflections of us – our strengths are their strengths, and so are our weaknesses. But when seeing these weaknesses reflected back at us, we often fail to understand their origins; we accuse our employees of lacking focus, of not working hard enough, or of underdeveloped skills, unaware that they inherited these flaws from us.

Recently, a professional leadership coach shared with me the immense amount of time he spent on self-improvement before starting his career, saying: “before I could seek to work on others, I felt I needed to work on myself.” It is far easier to focus on the sins of those around us than to spend the necessary time contemplating our own contributions. We’ve all had experience with people who consistently point fingers and cast blame. These are the “do as I say not as I do” managers, whose hypocritical approach breeds mistrust and resentment.

Your team is built around you, how you show up, your character, the issues you’re focused on – all of these things have an outsized impact. You set the pace. In order for your team to do their best work, you have to do your best work. In order for them to be great, you have to be great. An ounce of energy spent on personal development is worth a pound of energy spent on developing your team. And while there are many ways to focus on self-improvement, you can start out with some basic steps.

How should you be spending your time?

What’s the best way for you contribute within the team? How can you show your unique value? What’s your superpower? If you start there, you can ensure that you have the biggest impact and are spending your effort on the things that are most useful to the team. Once you’ve found this, fill in your team’s contributions around your work.

If you’re focusing on business development and recruiting, then you might need your team to be synced on operations and execution. If you’re focusing on internal culture and a new product, then you might need your team focused on financial stewardship. By starting with the work you are best suited for, you’ll make it easier to understand where the gaps are for your team to fill in.

This simple, clear vision for how work should be distributed will give everyone a sense of responsibility and purpose around what they should be doing. You’ll also have a chance to show your value and contribution to your team, motivating them to match your output.

Be the change (in behavior) that you want to see in the world

What behaviors or actions do you want to see from your team? How are you modeling these behaviors? If you believe strongly in showing up to meetings on time or using certain productivity tools, then you need to lead by example. Use tools and methods that you want others to use and show off your output. As you build aptitude and success, your team will naturally follow your example.

This can apply to your peers and executives too. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so if you’re able to connect your wins to specific behaviors – specific excel skills, quantitative methods, etc. – you’ll soon find that others around you are looking to better understand your secrets. Instead of telling people what they should be doing, you’re getting further by showing them.

Be open about your progress

Share your journey of self-growth and development with your team. When appropriate, let them know the ways that you’re trying to sharpen and improve yourself. This will have the dual impact of subtly encouraging them to start their own self-improvement journey while also demonstrating that it’s okay to struggle on the growth path. Additionally, it will add context for future development conversations you have with anyone on your team.

An example: if you’ve been working at giving more constructive feedback, and you’ve shared with your team the tactics you’re trying and the outcomes you’re seeing, you’ll have more credibility when coaching your team on their own skills at giving constructive feedback. You’re showing your work.

These are just a few ways that you can invest in being the kind of leader that people want to follow. Next time you feel tempted to blame your team for missed deadlines or poorly-executed projects, ask yourself how you could have contributed or set a better example. Should the blame be 100% on you? No. But you should always start with your contributions to an imperfect outcome. The buck needs to stop with you.

No matter how hard you try, you’ll never have perfect control of your team, but you do have perfect control over yourself and your behaviors. By starting with yourself and understanding your leadership through that filter, you’ll ensure that your actions come from a place of authenticity and honesty.

Know that this path will always be the harder path, requiring more discipline and self-awareness, but it’s through these challenges that you’ll truly level-up as a leader. You’ll have more empathy with your employees, be a better listener, and find your employees are more motivated, all because you’ve shown the humility and courage to do the hard inner-work first.